Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and she was petting her beer can
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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