I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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