Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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