Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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