went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
