I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
