im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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