my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This toilet bowl is my home.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
