remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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