I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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