There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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