please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
