She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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