He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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