you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
