i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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