Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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