I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
