why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize