ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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