"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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