oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
