I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.