Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups