You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit