The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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