I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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