i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
