i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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