false alarm. still invincible.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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