Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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