I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
