her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
