I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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