How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
