so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
