If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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