Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
