you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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