The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
