I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
