If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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