Where is the hickey?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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