My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I enjoy the company of your penis
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
