if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
