Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
