Only a mothe r could love this liver
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
