i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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