you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
