i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
