i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
