I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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