There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
