Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
