Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
