The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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