Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
