Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
