32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
