Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
