I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
