all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
