I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
