im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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