I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
