are you still at the devil's house?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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