go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
