I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
