I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
