just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
