Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
