i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
