i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
