Betty ford says i'm here all night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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