its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
