I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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