i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
