But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
