No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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