The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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