I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
