The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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