It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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