i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
