i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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