we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
