Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
