Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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