yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
